Halloween with the Cullens
by EdwardCullen10001
Summary: It s his second favorite time of year and their worst nightmare. Join the Cullens and Bella on an adventure that will make you laugh like no other. EmXR/EXB/JXA. Jacob is gay. M for later chapters.Starts in childhood the progresses.
1. Prologue

**Stephenie Meyer owns all, I just play with Edward sometimes.**

**AN: I don`t know how offen I `ll update but I`ll try my hardest to make it fast.**

Emmett's Halloween

It was the day that Emmett looked forward to every year, well today and April Fools. It was almost comical to ask anyone who knew him why he loved this day so much. And, well if you knew Emmett, it was pretty damn obvious why he loved Halloween.

If you asked him why this holiday apart from, what he dubbed should be his birthday, April Fool's was his favorite he would give you these three reasons:

Rose in a skimpy costume. Or in his words " Rose in a fucking sexy costume"

Free Candy, or as Emmett so eloquently put it " Retards who give out shit from their cupboards they don't want, like pop-tarts and cheese whiz"

His own costume. That should be indication enough to run into your house and board up the doors and windows.

Today is Halloween , one out of two days were the Cullen's truly fear their brother , in your head you might be thinking : " Oh , that's nonsense. Why should we be afraid of a big teddy bear like Emmett? "

Or "Who gives a shit; I hope he goes as a naked pirate". Well that would be hot, but besides that you will learn just how embarrassing and terrifying it can be at Halloween with Emmett.

Well all I can say is good luck to ya and try not to piss him off a couple days before!

**If you want more press that little button.**


	2. Vampires,a Priest and Dorothy

Chapter 1: The Priest

In this Chapter Edward, Jasper and Bella are 13, Alice is 12, and Rose and Emmett are 14.

Edward POV

I was dreading today we had went shopping for Halloween costumes yesterday. Jasper and I hade decided to be vampires, Alice was going to be a pixie, it suited her perfectly she was almost always happy, unless she didn't have it her way so, in general my sister was a regular little Tinkerbell, but with black hair and a worse temper. Rose, my Brother Emmett's girlfriend, was going as a girl pirate and my best friend Bella was going as Bell form Beauty and the Beast; she was going to be the most exquisite girl I will ever know. Emmett has teased me many times because he had the knowledge of my crush on Bella. It was about the only information his brain could withhold without spontaneously combusting.

Ok, back to the costumes. It was hilarious the way Bella had refused the costume at first but the Alice had given her a puppy face and the rest was history. Alice could obtain anything with that face.

It was quite annoying sometimes, especially when we were younger, I remember one day, me, Jasper and Emmett were watching TV, one minute we were watching Ninja Turtles and the next, friggin`Barney.

Wow a talking purple dinosaur singing songs about friends and a man on the moon made of ingredients for spaghetti, how interesting! Of course Jasper didn`t put up a front because he always had a crush on Alice even in their earlier years. Alice mostly used this face on Jasper when we wouldn't comply with her demands.

It was false television; I have to admit our show was no better. Oh lord, I'm ranting in my head about television shows again. Back to our costumes, we were all pleased with our selections, but Emmett, who also had wanted to be a vampire but there were no costumes in his unique size. You see my brother was very muscular for his age and looked more 18 than 14.

But then the miracle that happened upon us was when Emmett found the black priest costume was short lived when I could tell he was planning something diabolical in his head by the look on his face. It was pretty horrifying, if I dare to day so.

Emmett POV

I knew this would be the best Halloween ever! I had the most awesome idea to get back at Eddie and Jazz for stealing my costume idea. Originally we were all supposed to be vampires but then I have to go and have super huge sexy muscles so the damn costume wouldn't fit me.

Well the only thing at the time that made me happier was that I knew what my little Rosie was gonna go as a sexy pirate. Can you say it with me? DAMN. Thank god for people who created sexy costumes!

Even though we were still 14, didn`t mean we had to all be prudes like Saint-Eddie, the cockblocker of the world. My plan was going to be a kick in the nuts that they weren't expecting. I knew it wasn't really their fault, but they stole my damn idea without asking.

Wouldn't the world be a better place if the people who stole stuff asked first? What about a robber who wanted to steal a diamond and asked before he took it?

_Thought in Emmett's Head (wow that's rare) _

_Robber in ski mask: Could I see your finest diamond please? _

_Suspicious clerk: Certainly, sir._

_Robber: Yes, could I steal this please. _

_Clerk: [Pulls out gun] If you wanna die you sure can! _

_Robber: Why, thank you._

_[Grabs diamond and walks away] _

_[Clerk shoots robber in the ass] _

_End of his thoughts _

Well I guess it wouldn't work out too well for the robber but you get my drift and if you don't well to damn bad.

I looked at Edward and saw the I'm-scared-shitless-look on his face.

"Hey Eddie-Boy what the hell has you shitin` bricks" I said slapping him on the shoulder.

"It's Edward and I saw that look on your face your planning something horrible to do, probably to us because you couldn't fit your abnormally large arms into the vampire costume and the adult one was too big." He said with a smirk till I smacked him in the back of the head.

"What the fuck was that for?"

"Well, Miss Priss, it was for insulting my sexy arms" I said as I flexed my arms and kissed the bicep "and congratulations on you first cuss word!"

Bella came over and hugged Edward, diverting his attention from assailing me.

"Edward what do you think of my costume?" Bella said while twirling in a circle. He flashed her a smile and said in his normal "superior language skills".

"You look breathtaking Bella" he said with a crooked smile and pulled the slightly stunned Bella in for a hug.

"God you two need to get together soon, before Eddie starts humping posts!" I laughed whole-heartedly.

"Edward, what does he mean by that?" Bella asked him in a confused manor.

"Well my lil` Belly, it means that Edward wants to-"

I was cut off by Edward jumping on me and clasping his hand on my mouth.

"Edward, get off your brother!" Our mom, Esme, yelled.

"Esme, what's wrong?" Carlisle asked.

"Edward jumped on Emmett for some reason or another." She told our dad.

Edward saved my ass once again.

"We were just playing around mom, nothing serious." He laugh aqwardly.

"Well could you boys at least wait till we get home?''

"Yes mom" We answered at the same time.

"Fine, let's go get ready." She said with a warm smile.

We all got up off the floor, Edward grabbed Bella's hand to escort her to the car and I was close enough to hear:

"Edward?"

"Yeah, Bella?"

"What did Emmett mean about a post?"

"Emmett meant that to get through to him, you need to thump him with a post." Edward explained to innocent little Bella, while glaring at me.

"Yup, Bella all I need is one good smack to the ham and I'm all good." I said with a hearty laugh.


	3. Losing an Argument with Yourself

Chapter 3

Bella POV

I was so excited about going trick or treating with the Cullen's, though costume shopping was a bit awkward this afternoon. I mean with Edward attacking Emmett and all. I blushed thinking about Edward hugging me those few moments before Emmett had said the thing about the post which, by the way, I was still confused about.

Emmett had said something about me and Edward getting together, my face must have been crimson by now, I had always had a secret crush on Edward, Alice was the only one I had told, I couldn't tell Rose because she might go tell Emmett, I swear she had to tell him everything.

Edward was grasping my hand tightly; he did this often when he needed me to distract him from what was happening. I was just happy to be there when he needed my comfort. Whenever he would give me compliments, I couldn't stop wondering if Edward liked me too.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked me.

"What do you think?" I asked coyly.

"I think it's either about me or tonight." he said with a cocky smile

"Oh, yes Edward, because my thoughts always revolve around you." I said in a mocking tone.

"Good, because you are the only one in my thoughts." He said as he flashed a crooked grin.

I blushed and returned to my thoughts.

_But I `m much too plain for Edward, he's spectacular and I pale in comparison_.

_Well that last sentence didn't think so. _I argued with myself.

_No it didn't! He simply meant that he thinks about me when he's bored and can't find anything special to do! _

_You think long and hard about what that gorgeous boy just said! Bella to him you are much more than plain! And one day either you will see or in God's name that boy will make you see! _

_NO! _

_Fine, be blind, but some day you will be convinced! Muhahaha ! _

That was the sad thing if I argued with myself I lost, all the time. Yup there's nothing wrong with that.

Edward could positively find nothing special about me; I was just plain, old Bella, and even though he assured me time and time again that I was beautiful and exquisite, I couldn't find anything about myself that was above par.

I was slim, not scary skinny, like some, but lacking the curves others my age had. I had dark brown hair and boring brown eyes. Edward on the other hand had unruly copper and bronze locks of hair and piercing emerald eyes that I found myself staring into very often.

I was not comparable to Edward, and was told so many times by Tanya, a girl who did live up to someone of Edward caliber. She was strawberry blonde and had actual curves, but Alice had reassured me that she had saw Tanya, on many occasions, stuffing her bra with toilet paper. It really wasn't hard to believe because most of the time her chest was lopsided, immensely uneven or just plain fucked up.

Even though she was probably made of paper and plastic, every time she would call me hideous or ugly and inadequate, I truly believed her. It was truly hard to forget these harsh comments when Edward would tell me such wonderful things, because in my mind I would always doubt if he meant theme or was just being polite.

Alice was right, I should be more positive, but I could find nothing positive about today because Tanya would be joining us for our outing, I felt like smacking her most of the time, but again, I was terrified of her. The only thing I could find purchase in was that I knew Edward favored me instead of her, and Tanya knew this fact all too well.

She constantly tried to break me and Edward apart. The girl was insufferable; she always made advancements on Edward and, with him being a gentleman, always replied with polite "no". In which I was always glad to hear. But I also fear the day that Edward would fall for her and forget me.

I knew better but that though would always rear its ugly head when Tanya's nasally voice would come to mind. But tonight, I made it my mission to forget her and have fun with Edward, she could bother us all she liked, but I was determined not to let her get to me.

Emmett POV

_HAHA! They'll never know what hit them. LITERALLY!! _

As I dressed in my robe and donned my necklace/cross thingy, I shuffled quickly downstairs and grabbed the bottles of holy water I had swiped from the church a while ago. It was stupid at the time but now, IT WAS PURE GENUIS!

I rubbed my hand together manically and chuckled darkly as I started to pour all of the bottles of water in a bucket. Mom and Dad were just going to stay home while we all went out together, so I was completing my task while they were helping the rest of them out with their costumes.

Yeah…

I know I'm a bit old to go trick or treating, but who cares! I sure as hell don't!

I ran outside and carefully hid my holy bucket, and ran back inside just as they were coming downstairs.

"What were you doing outside Emmett?" mom asked me.

"Well there was this kid who kept knocking on the door and running away. And it, um.., it was pissing me off so I chucked a…" I spotted potato chips on the counter, **hallelujah! "So** I chucked a potato at his head."

"Oh! My! GOD! Emmett you could have gave the poor boy a concussion!" She ran to the door and swung it open.

"Don't worry Mom, I missed."

"You better have and no more potato throwing!" She scolded.

After the freak-out was done we went to the living room to take thousands of pictures. I swear I was blind by the time she was done!

I looked at my Rosie and my jaw went slack, she was wearing a pirate costume with a black corset type thing and the rest was white and light pink. I was staring at her chest, so she smacked my head and said with the most etiquette possible:

"Eyes up here, fucktard!"

"Sorry, Rosie." I said hanging my head down.


	4. Banshees and Love

Chapter 4

EMPOV

I suddenly heard the doorbell. GREAT! Something wicked this way comes!

I opened the door and saw the face that even scared me, and it belonged to a VERY underdressed 13- year old, Tanya Denali.

"Wow, Tanya! You have more clothes on than last year! Congratulations." I said my sarcasm very evident.

"Oh! Thanks, Emmett!" She said in her "nails-on-a-chalkboard" nasally voice. See kids that are the effects when you have too many nose jobs. And evidently, she did not catch my sarcasm. Yes, she was that stupid. No surprise there really. I truly felt bad for Edward, which was really rare, but having to have this stalking you around all night. God, I die, or run in front of a bus, or something.

As we walked in the living room, I saw Edward and Bella sitting on the couch. He practically had a death grip on her hand. _Good Luck, lil' bro. _

Tanya was even more underdressed than my Rosie. And even though Tanya was "pretty" in her own way, she still looked horrible in the skanky sailor outfit. Gag me. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Yes, Yes I did.

I could see the look of pure terror on Edwards face as Tanya purposely shoved her boobs in his face. Usually, I would think it to be a funny sight, but this was like watching a skunk spraying a baby. It was horrifying, but at the same time you couldn't look away. I could also see Bella's face, she was practically livid with anger, but still did nothing. I knew she liked Edward, anyone could tell except for Edward. Even our parents knew, but my poor, stupid little brother is a dong knocker. Sad to say, but still, very true.

"Okay, let's get going, shall we?" I said as I opened the door and Edward ran out first with Bella in tow.

Once everyone was outside I closed the door and told the others to go ahead and start passing around.

I snuck into the bushes and grabbed the bucket, turned and headed strait for the others. I smiled as I saw Edward was in the back of the gang, and Jasper up front holding Alice's hand as Edward was holding Bella's. Tanya was in front of Edward and Bella, turning to glare at the little girl I considered my baby sister. As I was planning my attack on Edward and Jasper, I heard a slight scream. When I looked in front of me I saw Bella on the ground with Edward bent over her. I saw she had a handprint one her left cheek. And Tanya had a smug smile on her face.

"What the hell happened?" I scream as I rushed to my Belly-Boo.

"That little slut smacked me in the back of the head with her bag so I slapped her back." She screeched in her banshee like voice as she sneered down at Bella.

"Eh? Slut? How does it feel to be brought down to your level?" She said with a proud tone in her voice.

And that was exactly the moment Edward snapped.

"Tanya, how dare you speak to her in that manor? And how dare you call _my_ Bella a slut, when that title clearly belongs to you?" He asked her with the utmost venom in his voice as her lifted Bella in his arms and stroked her cheek lovingly.

"Uh, I-I-I-I…" Tanya stuttered and grew dead silent as her head hung in shame.

"That's what I thought. So, Tanya to put this in terms even you can understand, go away and leave us the fuck alone." He said with the most hatred in his eyes than I had ever seen. Thanks to my brother, I think I shit my pants. Nope: all good.

She lifted her head, pretending she had even a smidge of dignity left, which was very comical, so I let out a very manly giggle when she tripped on her own feet.

I looked at Bella and Edward and saw that he was looking in her eyes and then…BAM. He kissed her. I did a hoot and when they were finished I heard a whisper of "I love you" for Edward and Bella replied his declaration of love with her own. We all smiled and took turns hugging them.

When I got to Edward, I looked him square in the eye and said:

"You know if you hurt her, I'll have to kill you."

He replied smugly; "I wouldn't have it any other way."

I looked back at Tanya's retreating form and smiled darkly as I grabbed my bucket of holy water and ran up behind her. I sung the bucket and the water sloshed all over her. As she turn around, I was so happy I had dressed as a priest, I screamed:

"BE HOLY!!!!"

After I heard the chuckles of my family behind me I turned, looked at Edward and Jasper and told them:

"You're lucky she's a bitch." They laughed and we continued on with our search for suckers with free candy.

Jasper looked at me curiously.

"Hey, Em?"

"Yeah, Jazz?"

"Why did you have a bucket of water with you?"

"Well…I had a plan to get back at you guys for stealing my costume idea, and well I had the collection of holy water bottles I had swiped from the church. So I planed that so amazingly that I was gonna bitch slap you guys with holy watch and scream at you to be holy but then Tanya did that to Belly-Boo and I didn't really do anything so my bucket of holiness was my only option." I said with a smirk thinking of what I did to Tanya again.

"Wow Em. I would have never guessed you could have come up with such a complicated plan. I'm truly impressed." Jazz said sarcastically.

"Ha-ha, Jazz. But you have to admit, it was a pretty awesome plan." I said with a smile.

"Okay, I'll admit it would have worked brilliantly, if not for Tanya." He said, and gave me a clap on the back.

"Okay, let's go get some damn candy before they run the hell out!" I said as I grabbed Rose and dragged her to the nearest house. I looked back and saw Bella and Edward holding hands and sharing small kisses. I turned to Rose and saw her smiling too, I also saw a small tear rolling down her cheek. I wiped it away with a questioning look on my face.

"She can finally be happy now." She said with a small smile before I kissed her.


	5. Tanya's Nose, Really ? Really

Stephenie Meyer owns all.

In This Chapter Bella is 16, Alice is 15, and Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Edward are 17.

BPOV

It's been three years since me and Edward had professed our love for one another. Also about a year later Jasper and Alice started going out which was great because Jasper was remotely the only one who could clam her the-fuck down. Back to me and Edward even though these three years have been almost perfect, we also had a few trying times thanks to Tanya and her lopsided boob gang.

_Flashback _

_I was walking hand in hand towards the cafeteria with my gorgeous boyfriend, Edward. Even his name was melodic as was his voice. We were sitting down along with Ali, Jazz, Em and Rose, chatting about the upcoming dance and how Alice was going to "drag" me to the mall with her if I did not come willingly. So I gently agreed to postpone my visitation with the floor of the Port Angeles mall._

_I was laughing at something Emmett had said when I felt a drop of wetness fall on my foot. I looked down and saw red paint dripping in a puddle on the floor and a few spots on my toes and on my flip flops. I got up to run to the bathroom when I heard a horrible screeching sound. _

"_Hey! Everyone! Look at Bella!" Tanya and Lauren screeched. _

_In that moment the entire Forks student body turned their heads and focused in on my ass that was covered in red pain, which also looked like I had gotten my period and had not realized. I was about to let Tanya win when I remembered that I had my gym shorts on for my next class so I took off my sweat pants and marched towards Tanya who's facial expression went from a hideous cackle of victory to just being plain scared shitless. _

_I went till I was 5 inches from her face and spat out with the utmost venom in my voice, _

"_Do you think this is funny? You, strawberry blonde slut?" _

_She gave a victorious smile because she had finally gotten a rise out of my regularly clam composure. The bitch really expected me to hit her, and then she would brag about how she got me to break. _

_Well that sure as hell wasn't going to happen._

"_Tanya you are very stupid and pathetic. Just because you think you've one doesn't truly mean you did. And, by the way, I have something you'll never get." _

"_Oh, and what is that?" She asked with a slight smirk. _

"_Edward, you bitch." I drew my arm backwards and slugged her in the nose. There was this faint, sickening crack. Then I walk back to Edward who had the most "I'm-so-proud, kinda-turned-on, and scared-shitless" look on his face. I returned his smile as I sat on his lap and began to munch on a left-over carrot. _

_End of Flashback _

I smiled as I remembered the horrified look on Tanya's face when I was about to punch her. _Good times, Good times. _I said inwardly. I was broken form my thoughts when I realized we had arrived at the Cullen's house. Edward, always being a gentleman, ran around to open my door. I had learned to wait for him because the first couple of times he tried to beat me before I opened the door myself ended with him on the couch holding an ice pouch to his crotch.

I remember that day because Emmet had actually managed to have taken a few pictures before Edward got a hold of him. That day we had pictures of Edward with and ice-pack to his man part and Emmett holding one to his eye. I swear that was the day Alice almost pissed her Gucci pants. I also didn't mention that Alice is now a shopaholic, and is now obsessed with designer names and brands, Yay! And for those very few people out there that was my subtle sarcasm poking its head out.

I was about to ask Edward where everyone was when I saw it.

Edward had leaded me to the piano room which was glowing from the tea-light candles places all over the room and a few on the piano. In addition there were also rose petals on the ground and on the piano's cover. I slightly felt tears rolling down my cheeks, I was so amazed by the sight before me I felt as if I was floating or in a dream from which someone was surely about to rudely awake me from. And when they did I would punch them in the nuts or in the throat. Hey, at least they had a choice.

I blinked profusely and this magnificent sight did not disappear. I sad Edward with a confused and slightly sad look on his face, I held up my finger to show that I needed a minute. After he understood I brought my hand up to my arm and pinched myself. HARD.

Well now I know that it's real.

I turned to face Edward, and then I simply, jumped on him. He staged back in shock but never let me go. He hugged my body close as I peppered little kisses across his face then gave him one big kiss on his lips to show him I was finished with my kiss massacre.

He smiled and asked stupidly (but cute stupid, always cute stupid):

"What was that for?" still having a lopsided grin on his beautiful face.

"Edward looks around." He did and replied with a very smart;

"Ohhhh, right." He smiled again and leaned closer to press a gentle kiss to my lips which, obviously, deepened quickly. I felt him smile into the kiss when I had let out a breathy moan. _Well, if he gets a laugh, so should I._ I thought wickedly. With a devious smile, I lowered my hand slowly towards his pants. I traced the waist of his jeans with my right hand, and my other was twisted in his unruly bronze locks. I gently lowered my hand more so it would gently rub is growing erection. As I did this I heard him moan loudly. I smiled, pulled away my hand and extracted myself from his arms. I stood up and looked at him innocently.

"So Edward, what's all this for?"

He stood up and smiled, his face giving me that look that just screamed 'Well done' as he extended his hand to me.

I smiled lovingly towards him and took his hand and felt that electric shock I've always felt when Edward touched me or was around me. He escorted me to the piano and pulled me down to sit next to him. He looked at me, kissed me sweetly and turned back to the baby grand piano that sat in front of us.

He began to play the sweetest melody that he has graced this piano with, he had played for me many times before, but I had never heard this particular song. I continued to listen to the haunting melody and realized that it sounded like a lullaby. I remember hearing this a few times, when Edward and I would watch movies or TV shows he would hum it for me and I would fall asleep immediately.

I watched, a bit dazed, as his skilled fingers slid across the ivory keys and sometimes tapping on the ebony bars. The melody had turned very sweet and soft, different from the beginning which was slightly more of a melancholy tune. As Edward ended the song, he turned and kissed me softly on the lips and he slid his lips close to my ear.

"This song was inspired by the most beautiful woman I know. She's intelligent, graceful, even if she says she isn't, beautiful and she is the girl I am in love with. You inspired this; you are the only one who can. I love you Bella. You and only you, and one day I'm going to marry you, no matter what anyone says." He whispered in my ear as I felt more tears rolling down my cheeks and as he came to face me I saw that he was also crying.

I looked him in the eye and said:

"Edward one day I'll be your wife, no matter what anyone says." I smiled.

"Really?" he asked with a smile.

"Really" I answered as he pulled my face to his and kissed me passionately.


End file.
